Entry Three: Advice from My Granny, My Mentor

 

"The Mentor" by Oggi Ogburn

    My class was instructed to find a mentor to interview and write about. I struggled to find a mentor who would suit me best. My dreams for the future aren't corporate success or fame but simply being happy and comfortable married with a family and a home. So I sat and thought about the beautiful women in my life and decided on Dietra Weaver, my paternal grandmother, aka Granny. Her pursuit of knowledge and perseverance drove me to choose her as the model for my life. Her success is anything but conventional. She has run three businesses, raised three kids, and helped raise two grandkids. She told me she doesn't consider herself successful but it's obvious to me that her family and unconditional love for them is living proof of her accomplishments. Having my grandmother's advice from a mentor's perspective has been beautiful. So, let me share my favorite pieces of advice from Granny...

    Now, my Granny is like a Superwoman. She doesn't mean to set a standard but even my mom, who is pretty amazing herself, wonders how she does it all!  She does SO much and is always on the go. I asked her what the best piece of advice she had ever received was and she told me, "Don't forget to take care of yourself." When she said that I could tell it was coming from a place of forgetting to care for herself.  Granny said that she tries her best to set aside time for herself but it doesn't always happen. I've watched her juggle tasks and somehow complete them all, care for my granddad, cook, bake, clean, pay bills, grocery shop, and run their small businesses. She's the "Do It All" woman, like most moms and grannies are, but at what cost? You can only do so much before the burnout takes over and you aren't enjoying your work. So while jotting those words down, I thought about it... have I made time for myself? Have I made time to pause and appreciate how far I've come in my short journey? I've struggled to find the balance between self-care and hard work. I find myself constantly pushing to complete goals, finish assignments, or even just wash the dishes and do my laundry on time and I hardly have time to think about what I need, whether those needs are mental, physical, or spiritual. I feel fine until the burnout and the anxiety of school, my responsibilities, and my commitments hit because I haven't been able to unwind or process all that's happening. I kept thinking about Luvvie Ajayi's choice to drop classes because it was taxing her mentally and producing unhealthy stress (Ajayi). So taking Granny's words to heart, I have been trying to slow down and allow for reflection. I'm realizing you can't see how far you've come if you don't take the time to look back. I think that's the message Granny was trying to convey in sharing the advice she'd received. 

    While I was interviewing her, one particular topic stuck out the most to me and that was how she talked about her dad, Melvin. I never met my great-grandfather. He passed away from lung cancer shortly after my father was born. She loved him dearly and strived to be just like him. His caring nature and savvy business skills were her examples of success and she used his examples to work toward achieving her own goals. With those examples in mind, she pushed through all the obstacles that flew her way. When her children were starting families of their own, she decided to go back to school and be an Herbalist. But not too long into her new pursuits, she had to pause her education in Homeopathic Herbology to help care for her newborn granddaughter. Years later after raising two grandbabies, she decided to try again but life challenged her once more when she had to become a full-time caregiver to her own mother. Granny wasn't always able to put her dreams first but she's always been good about putting family first. I asked her if she regretted anything looking back on her journey and she shared that she wished she had tried one more time to go back to school and graduate - she was only one test away from graduation when she had to leave- but she remarked on how proud she was to be able to come this far without a degree. Though her success may seem little compared to a professional writer or doctor, she never stopped pushing herself to do better.  The last question I asked Granny was if she had any advice for ME as a twenty-year-old that she wished she had gotten. She answered my question simply, "Don't stop dreaming. Set goals and go for it". Such a simple sequence of words that most of us have heard a thousand times but it truly is powerful to hear from someone who loves you. When you feel like giving up or like your dream isn't good enough, push through that self-doubt. Set goals, big or small, and chip away until you've reached the top; until you're the best at whatever you're striving for. 

    Granny gave me two of the simplest pieces of advice but they ring true, no matter who you are or what you're going after: First, take care of yourself. You can't go far on fumes and crossed-fingers. Next, dream big and work hard to reach those goals. Make your success your own -earn it. In a way, these words echo the four traits. Adding in the Self-Care, the dreams and goals don't happen by themselves. That requires hard Work, Focus, Practice, and Persistence...the perfect recipe for success. 

    

My mentor/grandmother and me!